Appreciating And Accepting Personality Differences
Growing up, I was blessed with great girlfriends at school. My friends, few who I still talk to today, we all came from similar backgrounds and Christian upbringings. We knew what was expected of us and we didn’t push boundaries. We had great fun and built lasting memories together. It was bliss until you then find yourself, inevitably, forced into a new environments where you have to start all over again. It can be tough. But as an adult now, I’ve learnt that when making new friends you have to appreciate that not everyone will think and behave like you and that is what makes us unique. Maintaining your boundaries as a Christian is paramount and understanding that everyone cannot be your friend, but still be friendly and kind to them.
Judging the Outward
As I write this post, I cringe at how superficially minded I was and judgemental! Growing up, I was taught that females weren’t allowed to wear jewellery or trousers and this led me to instantly judge Christian women who did these things. I thought they can’t be true Christians, because they are not obeying this command! Through prayer, the Lord has helped me and is continuing to help me in this and teach me to watch and pray. Because we judge with our eyes and you never know who is watching you! How does a person speak to others? How do they treat others? What is their behaviour like? Remember, we all mess up sometimes, and situations can get the best of us – so we have to be careful not to cancel someone based on one or two occurrences. Exercising grace is so important! It’s through grace that we are saved, and not of ourselves lest we boast (Ephesians 2:8-9). So we should endeavour to always give grace to others. Showing love and kindness to people without any preconceived notions or unfounded premonitions based on gossip or hearsay will hide a multitude of sins.
Taking Time to get To Know Someone
It’s true that first impression matters, but I’ve realised that you really cannot judge a book by its cover. I recall a friend sharing a testimony how she saw a young woman wearing ultra modest clothing (skirt all the way down to the floor etc), and so asked her if she was a Christian. It turned out that she was not and was in fact an atheist. It was a great lesson to her, and to me listening, not to esteem someone highly based off of what they wear.
Getting to know someone may take time, someone may appear reserved at first but once you get to know them you’d be surprised by how funny and energetic they can be. My husband is a perfect example of this. Not everyone wants to share their life story with a new acquaintance from the first few encounters. The Bible often talks about wisdom, and I’ve learnt that you should not share everything with everyone. Trust has to be built first, as well as establishing commonality and shared interests in order for acquaintance status to advance to friend status. That’s just life. But when you have gained a true friend, they can be even closer to you than a sister or brother.
Rubies are Hard to Find
The KJV of Proverbs 18:24 says “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” and I just couldn’t get the first clause. Was it saying that in order to have many friends, I must be friendly? Well that certainly wasn’t the case for me! Until, I studied it further and read other translations and it was completely different, fitting in well with the Hebrew text. Other translations say ‘One who has unreliable friends (or many companions) soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.’ And then it all made sense to me. Precious items are not easy to find. It can take people years, even their whole lifetime to find gems such as rubies and sapphire. So as a Christian, it may take a while for you to find that friend that will stick close to you like a sister. But nothing is impossible with God, so pray that you don’t have to wait long for one!
So I write this to encourage us all to give people a chance. To make effort within our own capacity to get to know others, and no matter what to always be friendly. Not everyone will pair up, group up as friends – it’s not by force. But what I’ve certainly learnt is to just be friendly and be willing to chat to anyone who is willing to talk. You just never know how the conversation may go, and how they’ll have something to say that you just needed to hear and vice-versa. It’s funny how God works.
