Marriage is a wonderful and blissful institution created from the very beginning by God. Two imperfect beings coming together as one and living life in unison before God and man. With marriage also comes the prospect of children, which are a gift from God. However when a woman remains single beyond the age she desired, it can be an affliction. Why? Because God has put in us women a nature to nurture, to love and to care for those around us, and it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.1 Timothy 5:14
Is it God’s will for me to be married?
Christian single women, if you have a desire to get married, know that it is God’s will for you to be! Too many times I’ve heard from sisters who are unsure whether it is God’s plan for them to marry because nothing has happened in that regard. Instead they have lost faith and no longer pray about their circumstance. But you mustn’t cease, you must keep praying and doing so until the Lord answers your prayer.
If it’s not God’s will for you to marry, that would have been made absolutely clear. God is not a God of confusion. You would have no desire to marry and instead would be like Paul who devoted his whole life to God and the expansion of his kingdom in full submission.
There are unmarried women who do a great deal of good in the world. They accept their solitary lot as the will of the Heavenly Father. But is it His will? Does He give the heart longings which He will not satisfy? No. A thousand times, No. That would be tantalizing us.How to get married, although a woman (1892)
But I understand it can be wearisome, when it seems you’ve done all that you can yet the wheels don’t seem to be turning whatsoever. I too was in that situation, and so I want to encourage Christian single women that all is not lost – that God still answers prayers. I’ve listed things below that I think you should consider, if not already, to getting one step closer to marriage – It certainly helped me.
Prayer and Fasting
It seems to be an obvious piece of advice but too often there are things that we really want God to take control of or guide us in, yet we do not constantly and unceasingly pray about it. I know because that has been me. Though the Lord knows our heart’s desires, he wants us to utter it out in prayer to him and to do so constantly. With faith, continue to pray. Hannah is a beautiful example. She cried to God over the affliction of her barrenness, to the extent that she made a vow to God. I’m not saying you should make a vow to God because that is an extremely serious matter that you should not break if indeed you made one.
Pray for your future husband, wherever he may be! Pray that the Lord will guide him to you, that he will be strengthened in the word of God and grow as a godly man whilst you too grow as a godly woman. Pray for other sisters to get married too. I remember a few years ago, during a prayer session, one sister prayed for the Lord to provide spouses for those looking to get married. She was a single woman at the time, and so of course it was a prayer for herself too. The Lord answered her prayer in a wonderful way!
Have you considered fasting? Fasting (along with prayer) is what I believe answered my prayers. As our Lord has said, some things cannot be achieved without fasting and prayer. My beloved Christian mother fasted with me for 3 days where we would pray together before breaking our fasting. It was wonderful – A time of deep communion and communication with God, and sober reflection. My mother’s constant prayer request for me was ‘Lord give my daughter a job of her degree, and a husband of your decree’. The Lord indeed answered both her prayers.
Be sweet, kind and welcoming
It seems today that there’s a focus on being more funny than being kind – and this is not good. Being kind should always be exercised, no matter the circumstance. Granted it can be difficult to be kind-spirited at times, but none of us are perfect and we can only rely on God to strengthen us and help us fight our battles.
No matter how you view anyone, endeavour to be kind hearted towards them. It’s a great testimony of your Christian nature and you never know who is watching you and from how far! Furthermore, kindness does not need to be reciprocated for example offering someone a cup of tea.
Maintain your charm and wit, do not stiffen yourself to the point where you cannot have a laugh and every single thing is taken overly seriously. There is a time and place for everything.
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.Galatians 6:9
Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.Hebrews 13:2
Don’t wait for people to be kind and friendly to you, be the first! I came to this strong realisation during lockdown. I was going to a new church where I had to start again in getting to know people. My family weren’t with me so it made it really difficult for me to integrate because I was expecting seasoned attendees to come up to me! But in praying about this, God made me realise that I had to be bolder to speak to people and show myself to be friendly. Especially me, where from a first glance you may think me unapproachable – I learnt I had to make effort on my part to prove otherwise.
Lastly be sweet. A loud and brash woman will only ruin her reputation and drive her chances of being married far from her. We must work continually to be soft natured and ladylike. In writing this I recall my dear mother often telling me off for my unseemly habits by saying “Be a lady!”.
Sometimes an environment can make you feel ultra self-conscious when talking to someone of the opposite sex. But take no notice of the peering eyes as long as your conversation is wholesome and you are in a public setting.
Furthermore, just talking with your girlfriends may do you no good in getting to know a potential husband. Be ready to converse in a mixed group – It doesn’t need to be one on one and shouldn’t be the case too much until you have entered into courtship.
Serving at church is a great way to meet your potential husband, and I have heard of many instances where this has been the case. Though of course, this should not be the reason for why you enter into service.
Improve homemaker qualities
Whether it is through hosting people, or cooking for church/events etc – this is a great way to show a Christian man what you’re about. Do not pass up on this opportunity! Too often, work can be so cumbersome and stressful that we do not have time for anything else – so it’s good to strike a healthy balance.
Dress well and feminine
A woman need not be the most model like in features, but she should know how to dress. There are many ways to get inspiration – whether through Pinterest, or watching old 1950s movies. Today the dichotomy between men and women’s styles are becoming more blurred and we shouldn’t want to be part of it. Personally, I think a woman should have a preference in wearing more dresses and skirts than trousers as this is universally more feminine. It elevates the masculinity of a man and presents you in a gentle and graceful way. You may not think it’s important but it is and I wrote extensively about this here.
Purge all feminist thinking
We are living in a world where there is a constant drumming of the plight of women and how we must seize our time to dominate the world. I think of slogans such as ‘The Future is Female’ and ‘Girls Run the World’. It has been engendered in us from our youth that we can ‘have it both’ in terms of career and a family – but this is a lie. One will always have to give and in trying to manage both, you’ll only leave yourself stressed and burnt out. God has made it so simple and easy for us – the home being our portion for keeping and being able to manage it on our terms in the best way possible for the good of our household.
Interestingly, my last post on young women not going to university received mixed responses. It was mainly the men who agreed and the women who listed numerous feminist arguments against it (the same arguments I’ve heard time and time again). The fact of the matter is, most Christian men still hold onto many traditional values. They want to be able to lead their home and perceive that a feminist will seek to subvert that authority. The world shrivels at the idea of a wife submitting to her husband and obeying him, but this is what the Bible commands of us women!
Though I professed Christ in me, there were certain things I still held on to and wavered in letting go of. Whether that was the tv shows that I watched or the music I listened to, they still had a hold on me. But everything changed during Covid, for what reason I cannot quite recall. However, even before and more so during this period, the verse ‘But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.’ (Matthew 6:33) constantly rang through my mind. I just knew God was saying to me, I won’t give you what you desire until you let go. I knew the truth, the gospel, the expected life of a Christian – it had been drilled into me since birth. It really felt like this was a period of chastisement from the Lord, because I knew better and in letting go, it took only a month for something special to happen!
I know of a dear sister who through online dating met her husband. In fact it turned out he attended a sister church of ours so that certainly ticked the co-signing box. It was amazing, because their personalities matched each other almost perfectly that it was clear their union was from God. Ladies, understand that we are living in times where it is very difficult to find a believer that shares our values – so if you want, try online dating. But please! Do all your due diligence and pray for much wisdom and discernment when going this route as you can only know so much from someone behind a screen.
Don’t play hard to get!
This is foolish advice I’ve heard since in school. Young girls believe the ‘keep it mean, keep them keen’ mantra – yet this only works on immature boys! I remember before I entered courtship that I was going to ask so many questions from the very first encounter. But funnily enough when it came to it, it’s like God shut my mouth (and with the good counsel of my mother) to say things or ask questions hastily that would drive my future husband away. When we entered into courtship, though we hung out, I still made clear that I had other commitments (such as volunteering) and that our meeting up would need to come around that. You shouldn’t all of a sudden let everything go to show how keen you are in a man.
Be content and do not settle!
The worst thing a woman can do is to have ‘desperate’ written all over her face or to desire marriage to an extreme extent that would make a man think she were not interested in him but for to be married.
Though my heart would beat fast whenever I thought about marriage, and certainly I cried to God in prayer – Yet I learnt that I had to be content in everything. I used the last few years of my singleness to help out in the church and to be a light to the children through Sunday School. I thoroughly enjoyed being part of that. I looked to make myself available as much I could to help out with certain things.
The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 1Corinthians 7:34
Lastly ladies, the Lord has kept you in this season for a reason – never doubt that God is still in control and will allow everything to happen according to his perfect will. When an opportunity for marriage arises, do not let invalid reasons for not accepting a man delay you further. The main thing to look for is a God fearing man who seeks to obey the word of God. Most certainly, you’ll want to be on the same page on a number of things as well, but let the church guide you on that through counselling.
I hope this has been encouraging. These are all points that helped me or has certainly helped someone else I know. I’ll be praying, but continue to pray also with faith believing that God will answer.